My Friends’ Most Awkward Middle/High School Love Moments

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Middle and high school were awkward times for love. Here’s a list of my friends’ most memorable moments (with IM screen names of course):

Ricky Angel (IM: smellywang -True story.): 8th grade dance….The song “Amazed” came on and my buddy was slow dancing with this girl he had always had a crush on. When the song ended he ran right over to me and told me that he just realized he loved her. I asked him how he knew and his response was “Because I just danced that whole song with her and I didn’t get a boner. I was even rubbing it between her crack and couldn’t get one-that’s how I know she’s special.” He was dead serious. Now every time I hear that fateful Lonestar song I always think of my buddy’s flaccid 8th grade wiener.

Keeley Dohmeier: (IM: keelee7): The week before prom I was in gym class and decided to “participate” in ultimate Frisbee. While running to catch the Frisbee a 300 lb ginger ran into me and knocked me unconscious. I was laying in the grass knocked out and the janitor had to pick me up in his pick up truck. When I woke up I had to call my parents to take me to the ER to get an X-ray of my face. Needless to say, I had a massive black eye at prom and wore sunglasses the whole night. Everyone was asking my date if I was blind.

Ben Gessert: Back to back foreign exchange students….

Chase Kieler (IM: seeseekeela My initials are “cck” last name, kieler.): I believe it was the 7th grade dance located at Winnequah Middle School in Monona, WI.  To me and the fellas, not only were dances a great time to take a gander at some of the “hottest g’s” in our class in their finest apparel, it was also a time to get a massive game of “21” going in the adjacent gym, simultaneously.  Open gyms were hard to come by at this time of my life so full advantage had to be taken.  After rolling off a few w’s in 21 vs. 50 other guys (or so I remember), I glanced to the entrance of the “dance gym,” only to see the stunningly goergous Tiffany Miekle and her friend walking over to us… – sparks flew – emotions ran high….   She grabbed me and her friend grabbed my high-riser friend Phil and led us to the other gym for a slow dance.  The dance was a bit rough considering we were absolutely drenched in sweat and dripping all over them.  Immediately after, we hustled back to finish the game of 21 – a bit of extra bounce in our step. 😉

Katie Young (IM: KTsADancinFool8817): I thought we were going in for a kiss but he didn’t. Awkward.

Kirsten Kamerman (IM: BuffyBabe923 – I was OBSESSED Buffy the Vampire Slayer and clearly a huge nerd): In 7th grade I had a huge crush on Colin McNutt. We had Tech Ed class together, which was our school’s version of wood shop.
After weeks of IM’ing and not really speaking to each other in class, we decided that we should have our first kiss together. It was to be the next day during Tech Ed class.
I came prepared. I brought a pack if Altoids and made sure I had my best tasting lip smackers chapstick with me.

When the time came, first Colin walked up to the dusty wood loft and I followed a minute late. I walked up to him, and with no words spoken, it happened. My first kiss, a big sloppy make out session among the wood scraps. After it was done, we both walked down the stairs to class, acting like nothing happened. The next period was lunch, and by the time I walked into the cafeteria, everyone knew. The entire cafeteria was abuzz about my sloppy make out session and I was dodging questions about how it happened. I was mortified. To top it off, somehow my younger brother found out, told our Mom, and then I got a lecture on why I shouldn’t be kissing at school. Oh, and I got grounded!

Conor Salcetti (IM: CS6061 – This screen name sucked. I always hated the fact i couldn’t come up with something more creative.): Superbowl 2003. Tampa Bay v. Oakland. Me and four buddies grab a 30 rack and head over to this girls house to watch the game. After 2 quarters of shitty football and general social awkwardness, things start to get interesting.

At the half, the girl who owns the house leads me upstairs and we start fooling around in the guest room. After about 5-10mins, we hear the front door open. About 15 seconds after that I hear “where the hell is my daughter?” The mom has returned.

Im quickly sent to hide in the bathroom while the daughter goes downstairs to defuse the situation. I listen in utter terror as the mom (who is drunk) begins searching the house for any hidden boys. Eventually she finds me stashed away in the bathroom scared out of my mind. Im then dragged out of the house by my arm while being told “i dont know who the hell you are but don’t ever set foot in my house again.”

The next morning I had to take the test to get my drivers license. I fail horribly.

Aimee Mastrangelo (IM: AwesomeAims08 – which some of my high school friends still call me): Hiding my boyfriend in the basement closet when I would hear someone coming downstairs. This was after I made him sneak in through the basement flood windows. Or when my friend and I snuck out to go see the boys in the middle of the night, and we stuffed our pockets full of un-packaged skittles and bubble gum before we headed back home so we could use the old “we went to Kwik Trip” excuse in case we got caught.

Aimee Bevan: Study hall….

Aaron Hutchinson: So I was home schooled up until the 8th grade. I still played sports so I wasn’t the typical weird home schooler. But I had no clue about girls. So my first day at public school in the 8th grade I was the new kid. I had girls coming up to me asking me who I was. At the end of the day I thought all these girls wanted me b/c they talked to me. Found out later that apparently they were just interested in finding out who the new kid was and had no interest in dating me.

David Weil (IM: Dball1489 – I think it poetically spoke to both my love of sports and the bumpy, mystical journey we call puberty. I mean I knew my balls were going to drop at some point, but for so long I struggled with the fact that dball might end up bigger than d’other): December 5. Grade 10. In all honesty, I probably peaked three years earlier. It was blisteringly cold that night (at least I’d like to think so). I was at this girl’s house working on a chemistry project and her mom left for a date. This bombshell beauty was a junior. I repeat a JUNIOR! There was always a chemical reaction between the two of us…She appreciated that I liked to work above my level in the classroom and I supported her dream of leading the “leggings” movement 2-3 days a week (now fully run by our friends at Lulu).

Once mom left she gave me the look and it was on. Our animal spirits connected and we starting mixing ions and neutrons like we were Mayans and there was no tomorrow. In actuality it was just PG-13 stuff but when I think back to that Wonder Years-esque night I think it went down like this: See my favorite anime, for graphic example:

One thing lead to another and we ended up in the Jacuzzi just as her mom was pulling into the drive way. I thought about running behind a tree and hiding in the backyard but my chemistry partner had other ideas. She proceeds to dunk my head under the water and hold it there while her mom approached. Even though I was awarded a guppy at camp when I was seven for holding my breath the longest, this discourse was too much to handle and I was at a deathly crossroads. Keep our secret until mom went inside or soak everyone with her daughter’s betrayal?  With all my strength I thrust out of the water like a beached whale splashing everywhere and soaking said partner’s mom. While I was free from the shallows depths of certain demise, my briefs stayed submerged and as I said previously, I’d like to think it was a blisteringly cold night.

Jake Fowler (IM: Superfreak_11822): I just started dating a foxy babe. One of our first makeouts was getting hot and heavy on a friend’s couch. I got a little excited and ripped a fart. Damnit.

2 thoughts on “My Friends’ Most Awkward Middle/High School Love Moments

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Holler

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